I left the house at 7.20 a.m. It was dark, not even a hint of dawn, but it was mild.
I had heard raven calls a good hour before I left, and later there were robins singing their hearts out.
This was a difficult walk, my heart was heavy. I walked all round Llandaff Fields, not our usual routes but combining the two. I needed to say good-bye, for Madame Dog, to all her favourite places.
I had brought scraps for the ravens, but as I walked into the ravens field from the far end, coming from the little arboretum, I was not looking out for the ravens. I walked all along the fence and wall, bordering the allotments at the top of the ravens field - that was where we played all those summers, first with Big Dog, then just Madame and me.
The bold raven came as I approached the enclosure - he was not sure about me, because not only did I come from a different direction, I also was on my own.
He had watched me from one of the big maples along the wall.
So I threw some scraps - and his companion came as well. I told them that Madame had died, and that she would never bark at them, chase them, or stare at them ever again.
As I went to the big field, Bas and Karen turned up - Bas running joyfully towards me. I told Karen that Madame Dog had died. We separated at the spinney, and I went back into the ravens field, crying and feeding the ravens.
They followed me back into the big field, the bold raven walking behind me, cawing loudly. As I threw scraps for him and his companion, the quarry pair also turned up, making quorking sounds behind my back. When I turned round, they both were displaying that juvenile begging posture.
When all the scraps had gone, I went back, lonely and sad, but determined not to forsake the ravens.
4 comments:
{Yma}. That's all I've got, but I'll keep praying for you.
Thank you so much, Spenser (with an S)!
If it weren't for prayers, yours and those of the other friends, and my own, I don't know how I'd manage.
It will get better with time, I know that, but it is still too soon for the raw grief to subside.
Can't be helped - that is how life is, and avoiding this grief is always the worse option.
I have a few (very few) friends or family who are NOT dog people. And when I lose one of mine they try to comfort me by saying: "That's why I don't want a pet, who needs the grief." Though I want to reply, "bite me," I tell them that the grief is a measure of our love - both that we give them and they give us. To feel a deep grief means that there was a deep love and I would not trade that in for anything.
Hang in there Yma. {Yma}
Thank you, {Russkilitlover}!
You are so right - and even though its been very bad, these last days, I would not for a moment exchange these few bad days for all the love and he wonderful times I had with Madame, no way.
Give your dogs cuddles from me!
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