Jan 25th

My beloved Madame died this morning, in my arms.

We were at the vet's, and having talked through all the options, I decided that even taking her home again would have been too much of a torment for her.

So I held her tight while the medication went in, she didn't know a thing and was gone even before the syringe was empty.

Loving someone, a person or a pet, also means we must have the fortitude to let them go, for their own sake, no matter how hard it is for us.

I hope to pick up with the ravens in the next couple of days, when I have no more tears to cry.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Sunday, Jan 24th

We made it through the night. At one point I thought we wouldn't, madame having trouble breathing. But she is such a tough little girlie - and she most definitely does not want me to even give the hint of fussing and being worried.

As reward, in the morning, I was greeted with her wagging tail, as she was lying on the carpet.

We're taking this day as another gift - both of us struggling a bit: Madame with her illness, weakness and pain, me with trying my best to make her feel normal, and not fussing even though I want to carry her on my arms.

As long as she manages to wag her tail now and then, for a brief moment, I am contented.
Not crying is the hardest bit.

Jan 23rd

Madame is not doing well at all - she is in visible pain due to the withdrawal of the painkilelrs for ehr arthritis.

The results from the specialist, in just now, confirmed what my vet said: the red blood cells are not regenerating. 

My vet is still hopeful, he said this may take some time, meanwhile I'm to feed her some red meat, and bring her in for another check-up on Tuesday.

So I'm doing my best to keep to Madame's routine, and am trying hard not upset her in any way by being emotional.

Thank you for all your kind words - we're hanging in there, taking each day as it comes.

Jan 22nd

Nothing about ravens - just a brief update on Madame:

*) Madame is reasonably cheerful within herself - but so weak, and her lips and gums are very pale indeed. Its pitiful, but except for making sure she is not falling and getting scared, I have to keep everything as normal as possible, for her sake.

*) We've got to wait for the results. The blood samples were sent to a specialist yesterday. The results might be in tonight, more probably tomorrow. I decided not to search the web before I know precisely what is wrong with Madame.

Virtual hugs and cuddles for Madame are very much appreciated!

Jan 21st

I had to take Madame to the vet today - she was so weak, she couldn't even walk upstairs last night. 

She was too weak to walk today, she just went to the garden once, stumbling.

Result so far: she has anaemia, the cause is not clear, so the vet sent her blood samples away for further investigations. 

We'll know by the weekend. 

Meanwhile: no exercise, and no medication for the next few days. 

While we go to and come back from the vet in a taxi, I walked there to pick her up. This walk takes me through Pontcanna Fields. I wanted to see if there were some ravens.  

Indeed I saw a couple, quite a way off, and one sitting in a huge sycamore. 

Now that we're back, all I can do is keep Madame safe, so she doesn't fall and get scared - and wait for the results.